gomer-b
Friday, December 10, 2004
to be loved
been thinking about what i want to accomplish. of course like most people i need to concentrate on being healthy.
depression for me is alot about not having self esteem. not liking who i am. i kind of just don't care anymore. i use food to comfort myself. food makes me feel good, but the food i eat doesn't make me look good. to be honest it doesn't make me feel physically good. eating fast food makes me ill to my stomach, but somehow i keep telling myself that i deserve to eat this. so i guess i don't really care about myself. if i eat because i feel i deserve it then i am saying that i am crap and i deserve crap.
starting to feed myself a healthier diet would be reinforcing a healthier point of view about myself. i deserve to be loved.
i have a hard time really believing that i deserve to be loved. i have been blessed with an amazing husband who loves me so much and shows me everyday that he thinks i am special. i just haven't figured out how to believe him. i guess i always think he is a little crazy or maybe he is just saying that to make me feel better. i really just freeze up at the thought i am special.
honestly why do i feel this way about myself. of course i could try to blame this on my parents, but i just can't. they always showed me that they loved me and they raised me the best that they knew. i had two sets of loving grandparents and i have to wonderful younger sisters. i have been surrounded by a great family yet i don't believe i deserve their love.
well i could write forever, but i still come back to the question why? and how do i start changing my thought process?
depression for me is alot about not having self esteem. not liking who i am. i kind of just don't care anymore. i use food to comfort myself. food makes me feel good, but the food i eat doesn't make me look good. to be honest it doesn't make me feel physically good. eating fast food makes me ill to my stomach, but somehow i keep telling myself that i deserve to eat this. so i guess i don't really care about myself. if i eat because i feel i deserve it then i am saying that i am crap and i deserve crap.
starting to feed myself a healthier diet would be reinforcing a healthier point of view about myself. i deserve to be loved.
i have a hard time really believing that i deserve to be loved. i have been blessed with an amazing husband who loves me so much and shows me everyday that he thinks i am special. i just haven't figured out how to believe him. i guess i always think he is a little crazy or maybe he is just saying that to make me feel better. i really just freeze up at the thought i am special.
honestly why do i feel this way about myself. of course i could try to blame this on my parents, but i just can't. they always showed me that they loved me and they raised me the best that they knew. i had two sets of loving grandparents and i have to wonderful younger sisters. i have been surrounded by a great family yet i don't believe i deserve their love.
well i could write forever, but i still come back to the question why? and how do i start changing my thought process?
Comments:
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We tend to believe what we tell ourselves. If we say to ourself that we are crap, we believe it. If we say that we are good and special, we believe that too. Be nice to yourself and you will respond in kind. It's just that simple....and that hard.
# posted by 
: Fri Feb 18, 03:07:00 PM CST
: Fri Feb 18, 03:07:00 PM CST
HI lady :) thanks for coming by my site..and i know this is a very superficial comment to a serious post...but i wanted to let you know that those pink camo boots have enticed me to your site before...i'm looking forward to reading more :)
# posted by : Fri Feb 18, 03:08:00 PM CST
: Fri Feb 18, 03:08:00 PM CST
Hi!
Just came through my refers site and found you and wanted to say that sometimes, you have to start small.
Change little things, that seem achievable before you try the big things. You can change the way you think, but you've got to actually listen to yourself before trying to change it. It's hard, but it can be done apparently.
I should listen to my own advice sometimes ;) Wallow in the thought that you are loved and wanted and admired by those around you, then take baby steps. Make yourself up a list, stick to it. Go for walks after lunch. Take up a hobby like crafting, or maybe even writing. You don't have to post it in your blog, but write just for writing's sake. In a notebook i find more theraputic than on my blog as I have an issue about putting too much personal information out on the web.
My main point though? Start small. Baby steps.
And hi too :)
Just came through my refers site and found you and wanted to say that sometimes, you have to start small.
Change little things, that seem achievable before you try the big things. You can change the way you think, but you've got to actually listen to yourself before trying to change it. It's hard, but it can be done apparently.
I should listen to my own advice sometimes ;) Wallow in the thought that you are loved and wanted and admired by those around you, then take baby steps. Make yourself up a list, stick to it. Go for walks after lunch. Take up a hobby like crafting, or maybe even writing. You don't have to post it in your blog, but write just for writing's sake. In a notebook i find more theraputic than on my blog as I have an issue about putting too much personal information out on the web.
My main point though? Start small. Baby steps.
And hi too :)
# posted by : Fri Feb 18, 03:08:00 PM CST
: Fri Feb 18, 03:08:00 PM CSTSubscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
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